ENTJ - The Field Marshal

Extrovert
Intuitive
Thinking
Judging

The other night, Jane went out on a date with a prototypical Type A. The Myers Brigg's personality assessment would put him in the upper right quadrant. I took the test on http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp , which is a condensed version of the MB.

Turns out -- you guessed it! I am a Field Marshall. I think there are only 2-3% of us out there. I think it has to do with limiting the gene pool with pushy demanding people. Field Marshals are just that... they like to marshal the field - they like structure and organization and they like to be bossy and think they are always right. They have feelings but don't respond to them, more often than not, ENTJ's repress them.

Now imagine a world full of these types of people -- we'd always be fighting with each other -- getting nothing done at all. What we need are soldiers to carry out our plans... reach our goals.. get the job done...and you better not question the orders.

Are ENTJ's doomed to never find people to relate to on a personal level? I'm guessing you need to know what your feelings are to relate to other's feelings right? To make it even tougher for the ENTJ's, there are more S/F's than Thinking/Judging types. It all sounds Greek to me when people tell me how they feel. I'm always trying to find a solution to my friends' problems when they tell me they are sad, depressed, etc. I can't just let them stay that way for an extended time or else I get frustrated and want to run for the nearest exit. With me, they get 30 min max to talk about their problems and I get to find a solution for them -- plan next steps, conflict resolution, strategy, etc.

How typically ENTJ of me but I have a solution for this problem already. Here it is...

If I am to get along with others and play nice... I'm supposed to develop my N(intuitive)side. So I will try to just "know" when I am being overbearing or else will someone please put me in check and just tell me? I am going to try to "know" when people need to be in their depressed states or just be left alone. AND FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS, I will listen to my gut when it says I should back off. And I will listen more and try to commiserate and empathize with people.

This is going to be a tough year for me.... I am going to do 5 unassisted pull ups and be more sensitive to people's feelings? Sounds like a plan to me!

Love is a battlefield???

I try not to think that way -- as much as this song is among my top karaoke songs, I think it's too fatalistic.

I've always tried to stay away from the tantrums and baggage that come along with L-O-V-E. If love were a battlefield I'd be a sniper or a runner (one of those messengers who take info back and forth from the front line to HQ). I've always danced along the periphery and never really dove in. I don't like to get my hands dirty.

Then I met the Lieutenant and things changed. I opened up more and it was easy to do it because the he was soooo far away. It was so far away that it could even have been Oz.... oh wait, it was. He didn't make any demands on me, I didn't make any demands on him and it was really fantastic. It was sort of like having a pen pal who was turning into my best friend. There were times when it would have been nice to share things with him -- like maybe hold hands on a cold day -- show him my fave ramen joints -- go bicycle riding and join in reckless randomness but overall I was pretty content with the situation.

It was a nice little bundled up quasi-relationship and I absolutely enjoyed spending my virtual time with him; emails, skype, texts, phone calls. All of it was easy to digest -- not confusing at all. Then I went to go see him and things unraveled. Perhaps my expectations were too high -- maybe things just sped up too quickly -- our time together was stressed and it was like being in warp-speed headed for a big asteroid or something. I got confused and I think he did too. Maybe I should have held back but I dove in head on. It was important that I prove that I wasn't afraid to show someone how I felt - more importantly I needed to prove this to myself.

I remember talking to my sis about all this before I left for my trip. She told me that I didn't need to be afraid of it and that even if it felt like someone tore out my heart, ripped it to shreds and stomped all over it, that I'd be okay. Reluctantly I agreed because I just didn't want to talk about it anymore. Yeah, yeah whatever, I thought. And it happened to me - I got hurt -- but I survived. I told the Lt I loved him and things just didn't work out. I was sad and it felt bittersweet but as more time passes my memories are sweeter, less bitter.

Next time? You ask? I don't know when that's going to happen. I've always been more cautious with people whom I truly like --- maybe even grow to love. I might get on that battlefield and work my way up to the front line. I might not even have to fight for it at all -- I might just let it happen in its own way. I'll be ready for it though and I won't be afraid of it.