Summer in the city means getting your gut together

Jerry Seinfeld was right... some of you need the bro or the manzier
I want to focus on the most awful set of man boobs I have ever seen. EVER! EVER! These 2 words just don't belong together especially if they are not in this format: "Man" [enter verb here] "boobs". No dear reader, I use man as an adjective in this case and boobs as the object that I want to describe to you.
I went to a party on Saturday night. It was a friend of a friend's housewarming thing. They all happen to work for a French bank so all the men were really short and very French. Anyway, I thought it was weird that the hostess made people dance salsa with her before they could leave. Like if you didn't dance then you couldn't leave. It was like going to one of your classmate's bad birthday parties when you were eight and then the mom of the birthday girl/boy makes you play a lame game like pin-the-tail-on-donkey because she knows your mom isn't going to pick you up for another two hours.
Anyway, the only tall person at the place happened to be this white guy and he already looked goofy and boring so I didn't want to talk to him. As a matter of fact, I was wearing flats that night so I was approx his chest height with full frontal view of them, those awful lumps of flesh. When he laughed they jiggled. They rose up and down with his breathing. And they were pert. You know what I mean. He wasn't fat either. He was maybe 6'4 / 175lbs max. I mean I couldn't look away nor could I keep staring at them. On top of all this... he was a banker who thought he was witty, but was really obnoxious and boring. In addition to his sparkling personality and the witty banter, he had a very thin t-shirt on because it was so hot and humid in nyc that night, which didn't help him at all. AT ALL!
So if you had hideous man boobs wouldn't you put on an extra t-shirt to try to cover them up as a short term fix and then possibly consider surgery or exercise long term? I mean the guy didn't even slouch... I'd say he could have been proud of them by his posture...maybe. I think he was just oblivious in every way because he then tried to invite himself out with us.
My point is if you are man and you think that we women don't notice your physique you are absolutely delusional. We can tell if you have child bearing hips or if you have a horrifying set of man boobs or any other unmanly or grotesque feature, which we just find repulsive covered up. I can't imagine what it would look like unclothed. (I just gave myself the chills...) Yes, the personality and all that is great, but I need to be able to look at you first. Right? So my advice is to go work out, diet, check out plastic surgeons whatever and get yourself in shape. Geez, it is the summer after all. ALL of us have to look good in bathing suits and you don't want to be the only loser who wears a t-shirt when you're swimming.