Keeping it simple (in Paris...)

Vomit

2010-02-16T18:13:00.002-05:00

Alright, alright...

For those of you who I have been talking to on a constant basis, I THANK YOU and boy do you have a treat of delicious French macaroons from Laduree coming to you!

So if you don't want to continue reading (because I'm going to complain again, you can stop). The post is self-titled so I'm warning you that it's going to get gross.

I take the RER A every day to work. It's like being herded into a cattle car and it smells like one too. Actually the smell is the sour stench of human sweat. It's disgusting. The only way I get through the 5 min ride from Champs Elysee to La Defense is to douse my scarf with perfume and put it over my nose as I am trying to avoid my head from being in some dude's armpit.

Maybe you don't believe me, but trust me on this. I've imagined that this might be the transportation that hell provides to its newly condemned population.

Today, I got on the train. It was crowded as usual and I positioned my scarf in the usual way, but GOD ALMIGHTY there was a smell that could have stripped you naked and left you shivering. Not until most of the people got off at La Defense, did I get to see what the stench was. It was not the sweat of morning commuters, it was vomit---a lovely parting gift that had dried on to the inner door of the train.

At the very moment that my eye glanced upon it, I was flabbergasted. I hustled my way to the next car and thought, "My god - what kind of person would do that?' but moreover I thought of all those people sitting in the train and standing next to it like there was nothing wrong with it! 'What kind of people would accept this as a part of their daily lives?'

I decided to banish the thought and lock it away forever, but then it happened again. I saw more vomit on the platform at Champs Elysee on my commute home and then more on my way to see my friend.

What is going on with this country? Why do people just lean over and vomit? Why are people okay with it? France just seems to be one huge contradiction after the next. It has wonderful glorious museums and to-die-for baked goods but then there's dog shit and vomit everywhere. I just don't get it.

Expertly avoiding dog shit (and now vomit)
Your truly,
Susan

Where do I start?

2010-02-02T16:49:00.003-05:00

First - I want to caveat this post by stating that I am not feeling any joie de vivre as of yet. I don't know when I'm going to hit that stride.

So if you want to read about how I rode down a quaint cobblestone street on my bicycle filled with baguettes, wine and cheese on my way to a picnic along the Seine, stop reading.

I am going to give you the real Paris from a New Yorker's point of view. I see a lot of shit, specifically dog shit, from my side. It comes in so many various colors here, I keep wondering what the hell they feed their dogs? In fact I stepped in some soggy dog shit my first week here. When I recount my story to French people, they ask me right away which foot it was. It was my right foot- apparently it's lucky if you step in it with your left. I say fuck it's not lucky ever, EVER--especially if you are wearing your cute mostly open patent leather black flats. Dog shit is such a part of a Parisian's every day life that they've made up a stupid thing to say to those unlucky enough to step in it.

Carefully avoiding all sorts of excrement...
Yours Truly,
Susan

Haiti is not a popularity contest

2010-01-23T08:48:00.002-05:00

For Israelis, Mixed Feelings on Aid Effort
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/22/world/middleeast/22israel.html?em

I am disappointed by the position that Israel's leaders who feel they will be quickly forgotten for being the first to send help to Haiti. Isn't the point to actually provide aid and medical relief to Haiti's victims not to seek recognition for it?

I didn't realize that sending aid to Haiti was a popularity contest. It's like Miss America saying, 'I want to save all of Africa's babies' to the question 'What would you do if you were Miss America?'

Shame on you--- Israeli leaders!

As I was watching CNN's coverage on Haiti, it was heart warming to see that the first baby delivered after the disaster was at an Israeli medical center. The mother named her newborn Israel in honor of the country who was first to send medical aid and safely deliver her child among the devastation.

I applaud that Israel was one of the first countries to send medical help.
Disasters will never cease to arise and all countries should follow in its example. Perhaps Israel can be the nation to lead all other countries in first response disaster relief training and deployment so that countries that can help will provide it more quickly and effectively.

If it were up to me I'd give Israel 10 gold stars but then take half of them away because it was being a demanding brat.

Eww thet moob pic is so gross.

2009-08-30T09:36:00.003-04:00

Here's a better one.....

MOOBS

2009-06-01T22:10:00.008-04:00

Holy shit! When I came across this picture, I actually gagged. UGH - I'm still sort of dry heaving. Wait - hold on give me sec......

I know that this is a medical condition called gynecomastia. And yes, I can take the route of talking about how sad it is that there are men who go through the psychological and emotional torture of having to endure something like this. BUT COME ON! That's not why you are reading my blog. If the picture offends you, navigate away from this site immediately.

I think that most men have MOOBS because they are fat or were fat and out of shape. To these men, I say to get on a treadmill pronto and do some push ups. Your secret might be safe in the winter when you can cover yourself up with a thick sweater most likely knit by a close female relative, specifically grandmothers who love you no matter what.

I'm going to let you in on a secret. Women know. We know. And you know deep down that the reason why the same women who were calling you in the winter have suddenly disappeared or are too busy for you. That's right... warm weather. You can't hide your MOOBS. The double t-shirt thing just doesn't work. Go ahead put on three for all I care. Wearing t-shirts in the pool or in the ocean is even worse. Wet t-shirts have a way of clinging to your (ahem) curves.

I bet you are really nice and funny in your own way. I'm sure that there is a woman out there who is a 1 or even a 4 who might want to be with you because you are really nice and sweet.(http://uvtblog.com/2009/01/keeping-it-real-the-real-scale-of-1-10/)
Be forewarned that by procreating with them you are effectively removing any trace of yourselves from the gene pool. Do yourselves a favor and go to the gym. We want to see you out there with your shirt off proudly displaying your pecs not MOOBS, playing shirtless ultimate frisbee or basketball.

GOT MILK?

2009-05-07T09:36:00.006-04:00

So the one thing about being slick is that you have to actually cover all your bases to actually pull off being slicker than thou. So I ask you now, "Got milk?"

So Slick Rick was dating a whole bunch of girls at the same time. (I don't mind this actually, we all need to to do this to optimize our free time in searching for Mr./ Ms. Right.) The catch is he started dating my sister, the Super Sleuth. They had had a talk about being upfront and honest and about each other's dating situation from the start so she assumed that Slick Rick would comply. Not so. On their most recent date night, he was obnoxiously texting a mystery person back and forth. (Suspicious? Yes.) Then as soon they got back to his place, he said he needed to go out and get some milk? That was completely understandable because he drinks a lot of it.

Call it a woman's intutition or her super Sherlock Holmes skills but she was compelled to check his refrigerator to see if he actually had milk. Turns out he did.... and that it was 2/3 full .... and its expiration date was a full month from that day. Hmmmm... even more suspicious is the fact that he ran back into the apt without the milk saying he forgot his wallet. He is not an absentminded type of guy so if his sole purpose for going out was to buy milk, why would he leave his wallet behind but take his phone?

DUH! What an idiot!!!

When it rains it pours --

2009-04-13T20:33:00.002-04:00

Doggone-it prats! Confounded idiots who should be banished to a desert island of idiots to compete for drinking water in a thunderdome style battle. Excuse my lame attempt at cursing without using expletives. Anyway bad things happen to good people and bad people and good things happen to both but some feel like it's luck and the others just think they deserve it.

OMG! How can the bad just pour down on both Jane and me at the SAME time???! I am confused by this -- events happen in 3's but to both of us at the same time? Mathematically it would look something like this 2x(3x3x3) =666??? Yes, that would make it the mark of the beast.

Really though, all kidding aside - it's been a shitastically turd burglar type of day and it all started the other day with the crazy drunk guy telling us he just went through his second divorce, almost puking on us while sitting really close to us, then trying to lean on me to touch Jane's face THEN to top it all off as we were scrambling to leave because we were so weirded out he grabbed the back of my coat and wouldn't let go. REALLY??!! Did that really need to happen? Wait I think the thing that happened to us today was the last one. YES!

BTW - ENTJ's may rule the world but will be tremendously unhappy doing so

2009-03-26T23:44:00.003-04:00

Are you freaking kidding me about these career options????
I don't want to be any of these!!

* Corporate Executive Officer; Organization Builder (bleh)
* Computer Consultant (bleh)
* Lawyer (BLEH!!)
* Judge (bleh!)
* Business Administrators and Managers (OMG, this one doesn't even merit a bleh, but BLEH!!!!!
* University Professors and Administrators

* Entrepreneur (MAYBE THIS ONE THOUGH! - Birdie post to follow!)

ENTJ - The Field Marshal

2009-03-26T23:12:00.006-04:00

Extrovert
Intuitive
Thinking
Judging

The other night, Jane went out on a date with a prototypical Type A. The Myers Brigg's personality assessment would put him in the upper right quadrant. I took the test on http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp , which is a condensed version of the MB.

Turns out -- you guessed it! I am a Field Marshall. I think there are only 2-3% of us out there. I think it has to do with limiting the gene pool with pushy demanding people. Field Marshals are just that... they like to marshal the field - they like structure and organization and they like to be bossy and think they are always right. They have feelings but don't respond to them, more often than not, ENTJ's repress them.

Now imagine a world full of these types of people -- we'd always be fighting with each other -- getting nothing done at all. What we need are soldiers to carry out our plans... reach our goals.. get the job done...and you better not question the orders.

Are ENTJ's doomed to never find people to relate to on a personal level? I'm guessing you need to know what your feelings are to relate to other's feelings right? To make it even tougher for the ENTJ's, there are more S/F's than Thinking/Judging types. It all sounds Greek to me when people tell me how they feel. I'm always trying to find a solution to my friends' problems when they tell me they are sad, depressed, etc. I can't just let them stay that way for an extended time or else I get frustrated and want to run for the nearest exit. With me, they get 30 min max to talk about their problems and I get to find a solution for them -- plan next steps, conflict resolution, strategy, etc.

How typically ENTJ of me but I have a solution for this problem already. Here it is...

If I am to get along with others and play nice... I'm supposed to develop my N(intuitive)side. So I will try to just "know" when I am being overbearing or else will someone please put me in check and just tell me? I am going to try to "know" when people need to be in their depressed states or just be left alone. AND FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS, I will listen to my gut when it says I should back off. And I will listen more and try to commiserate and empathize with people.

This is going to be a tough year for me.... I am going to do 5 unassisted pull ups and be more sensitive to people's feelings? Sounds like a plan to me!

Love is a battlefield???

2009-03-22T17:18:00.006-04:00

I try not to think that way -- as much as this song is among my top karaoke songs, I think it's too fatalistic.

I've always tried to stay away from the tantrums and baggage that come along with L-O-V-E. If love were a battlefield I'd be a sniper or a runner (one of those messengers who take info back and forth from the front line to HQ). I've always danced along the periphery and never really dove in. I don't like to get my hands dirty.

Then I met the Lieutenant and things changed. I opened up more and it was easy to do it because the he was soooo far away. It was so far away that it could even have been Oz.... oh wait, it was. He didn't make any demands on me, I didn't make any demands on him and it was really fantastic. It was sort of like having a pen pal who was turning into my best friend. There were times when it would have been nice to share things with him -- like maybe hold hands on a cold day -- show him my fave ramen joints -- go bicycle riding and join in reckless randomness but overall I was pretty content with the situation.

It was a nice little bundled up quasi-relationship and I absolutely enjoyed spending my virtual time with him; emails, skype, texts, phone calls. All of it was easy to digest -- not confusing at all. Then I went to go see him and things unraveled. Perhaps my expectations were too high -- maybe things just sped up too quickly -- our time together was stressed and it was like being in warp-speed headed for a big asteroid or something. I got confused and I think he did too. Maybe I should have held back but I dove in head on. It was important that I prove that I wasn't afraid to show someone how I felt - more importantly I needed to prove this to myself.

I remember talking to my sis about all this before I left for my trip. She told me that I didn't need to be afraid of it and that even if it felt like someone tore out my heart, ripped it to shreds and stomped all over it, that I'd be okay. Reluctantly I agreed because I just didn't want to talk about it anymore. Yeah, yeah whatever, I thought. And it happened to me - I got hurt -- but I survived. I told the Lt I loved him and things just didn't work out. I was sad and it felt bittersweet but as more time passes my memories are sweeter, less bitter.

Next time? You ask? I don't know when that's going to happen. I've always been more cautious with people whom I truly like --- maybe even grow to love. I might get on that battlefield and work my way up to the front line. I might not even have to fight for it at all -- I might just let it happen in its own way. I'll be ready for it though and I won't be afraid of it.

Panamamacitas

2009-03-13T01:15:00.009-04:00

Know what I've learned from traveling to seemingly warm weather destinations? I should have listened to Mrs Napolitano, my 3rd grade Science teacher. The closer you are to the Equator, the warmer the weather. I'm not taking any more chances with my vacations and I'm going after hot and humid. Panama's year round avg temperature is 90+ degrees!

It's cold in NYC again - I can't count on it being warm for another 2 months, so I'm packing ONE bag and hightailing to Panama for a few days with my sis. I am insisting we hike through the jungle, jump off cliffs, docks, helicopters (hmmm, maybe?) into the the azure blue ocean, bike into town, drink ice cold Balboas at a roadside shack, maybe go see the canal... (I don't really care for this last one, but she might want to do it.)

Oh my dearie dear dear dear...give me a hammock and a drink in a coconut.

Weekend plans

2009-03-04T23:13:00.004-05:00

OH Merciful God, I have to go to a male strip club for a friend's bachelor party. A few things made me sort of hesitate....

1. The thought of a dude's gyrating crotch in my face to Geunwine or Usher or Justin or they might go old school and gyrate to Toni, Tony, Tone... or the Thong Song. Thong th-thong thong thong.

2. The thought of the above with some of the people we are going with-- including overweight transvestites -- think of John Waters' Hairspray, Ricki Lake's mom... Mama Turnblad. They def do not look like the ladyboys I met in Thailand.

3. I might have to sit through my own lapdance. What if something happens... like mid-dance.. the dancer gets too close and beaded butt sweat is flung on to my face.

I'm kinda scared but I just love how weird this is going to get. Bwahahaha!

sigh -- new york it is

2009-02-17T01:17:00.002-05:00

i've been trying to run away to warm weather cities for the past year now... but looks like a higher power is telling me i should stay. good things keep happening in ny, keeping my feet firmly planted to the cold pavement and mother nature keeps telling me i can't move somewhere just for the sunny weather. (it rained the entire time i was in lala and yeah it really sucked.)

so i'm staying and turning up the heat, wearing uggs when i have to and trying to get used to the cold, even though i refused to believe i'd be here for the entire winter season. the other day, i looked up at the empire state building from chelsea and thought that i can't leave just yet. ny and i have a love/hate thing going on and i'm not hating it so much anymore.

im making huge vats of tasty lemonade out of my lemons--- trust me, it's that good and you're going to want some of it.

DABA

2009-01-28T15:46:00.007-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/nyregion/28daba.html

is an acronym for:
a. Daily Accepting Boob Augmentation (as a birthday/anniversary gift)
b. Dare to Achieve Botox Association
c. Dating A Banker Anonymous

It could be all of the above, but the answer is C. (It's always C, didn't you know that?)

DABA is a support group for women who are dating (now out-of-work) bankers, which means the following for them:

1. Lots of pouting because there are no invites out to the Hamptons, no expensive dinners out, and no $1000 table reservations at the clubs on their bf's dime and social network.

2. Planning more nights out with your group of semi-pretty friends (so you can look the hottest out of them) and nab/steal/cajole the Banker WHO STILL HAS A JOB away from his current girlfriend/wife. (DABA for life!)

3. Taking a refresher course on pole-dancing and other techniques of people who work in the sex industry.

4. Cutting back on limo services, personal shopping, trips to the spa, cutting back on BOTOX maint to every other month. Recycling last season's hot handbag and making other tough sacrifices.

What happened to women making their own money?

AKIMBO

2009-01-24T11:53:00.008-05:00

I remember when I first came across this word. I was 15 sitting in English class and we were doing our vocabulary review. Yes, even back in 1995 we were preparing for the verbal assault of the SAT's. I remember envisioning a crazy cool samurai warrior princess outfitted in a sleek dark kimono-esque outfit, strapped with sharp blades and wielding an ancient and powerful samurai sword.

Unfortunately, the word is derived from an middle English word "kene" + "bow", and there are a few definitions. Contextually, you use it to describe the physical position of the person, it usually connotes a rather stand-offish and superior attitude to the person who is standing akimbo. It can also refer to being bent or I like to think mangled lying on the floor, limbs akimbo. Think of the sharp angles your body can make with your elbows and knees and voila you are now akimbo.

Nevertheless, I wanted to introduce her to my cool clique of familiar words. But Akimbo was aloof and didn't want to play with the other words. She only had one cool thing to say and she would say it and then suddenly shut up again, leaving us all confused and wondering WTF? I couldn't get the other words to be friendly either. She exuded a cool superiority but for some reason we had seen through her one-trick pony but were still mystified that she would still feel like she was better than us. In turn we were fascinated all the more for it.

To this day, Akimbo stands in the periphery of my mind. She has been invited to join in on the clowning multiple times and has quietly refused fraternizing with the other words. She'll always be there in striking distance.... ready to stab our roundabout conversations with an exclamation point. Again we will be awed by her cool factor and she will recede from the limelight leaving us thinking WTF!

WTF!

2009-01-19T18:30:00.012-05:00

WTF!
WTF!
WTF!
WTF!

I can't believe I'm going to quote Paula Abdul here but "one step forward, two steps back"

The item for auction is Natalie Dylan's virginity and it's now worth $3.7M. Is she the ultimate American capitalist? She's identified a market, she has a unique product and she's branded herself as a young college grad trying to pay for grad school.

Franklyn - Looks awesome but no US distro!

2009-01-14T15:45:00.007-05:00

You don't gotta go home but you gotta get the hell up on outta here!

2009-01-09T11:02:00.010-05:00

I'm talking about the pity party for one I've been at for the past few days. There are a million reasons why I thought I should be there: I caught the flu, winter in NY, the recession, lack of direction in my career, uncertainty about whether I wanted to stay in NY, etc, etc, etc, ad nauseum.

I was celebrating BY MYSELF with my Debbie Downer tiara firmly placed on my crown of uncombed hair, slow-dancing to a loop of Celine Dion's "All BY MYSELF" in semi-darkness. Mood lighting provided by the glow of the television set to VH1's Rock of Love. Drinks provided by I-don't-know-what-flavor-green-is-but-I-think-Vick's-calls-it-original-flavored Nyquil.

Mid-dance, my ego flips on the light switch. Goddamn egos! They ruin everything! I was just getting into the chorus again (for the 6th time). The bossy, opinionated loudmouth that she is told me to get out of my stinky sick clothes and take a freaking shower. So here I am at work today, clean and feeling fresh and i think i'm looking kinda hot in an casual workwear way.

Big shout out to my overblown know-it-all newyawker ego who can 3 finger snap me back to reality. I thank thee for not letting thyself wallow and despair as queen of Loserdom!

wanna talk recession?

2008-12-30T01:08:00.008-05:00

It's 1am and I can't fall asleep. So many thoughts are running through my head: all the stuff my sister threw out during her move, BBC news reporting that the toxic recession in the US is trickling down into the global economy, and OK! magazine reporting that celebrities are cutting back on their Christmas spending even though Christmas time as Macys so brilliantly coined is the "gift giving" season. I have one thought and that is that this recession has seriously made me think about my consumption habits, the things I throw away and the things I refuse to let go.

This year my family decided to have a Secret Santa. It's not because we couldn't afford to buy each other gifts but because we wanted to concentrate our individual efforts on buying something special for one person. How many times have we gone gift-shopping and picked up the same sweater or ipod for multiple people and how disingenuous is that?

We as a Western society have taken many things for granted. We have taken our material wealth for granted and we glutted ourselves on things that we never even thought we wanted. We took for granted the value of our homes and thought that this was something special that WE did rather than an error in the system. Keep the good times rolling, right? One of the things that really struck me over the past year was that countries that relied on importing grains for food could not afford them because of the demand for it due to biofuel. This in turn drove sharply higher grain prices. Countries could not afford to buy grain for food and in turn its people had to cut back on them or go hungry.

Yet I said more, more, more. We all chanted it.

I have personally thrown away clothes that I have never worn, let food rot in my refrigerator untouched, spent thousands of dollars on things that I never used. In light of the economic slowdown, I have spent less on things I don't need and really thought about what I value materially and spiritually.

What do I want? I want people to think about what they buy and how they consume. I want all our talented and creative people making innovative and inventive products that shine beauty and truth and I want the consuming masses to seek it if it's not there. I want to go into a store and find everything beautiful and seek the one beautiful thing that sings to me. I want American Consumerism to stop behaving like a bloated glutton and say no for once to the marketers forcing bland derivatives of true beauty down its throat. I want this recession to revolutionize how we think about our wants versus our needs.

Call me an an idealist but I think we can do it. All we needed was a catalyst to make it happen. We needed to be shaken up. I needed this change so I could put my faith back into what we create as a nation, as a society and as a generation.

I want to be Ong Bak but does that get in the way of GOOD EATING?

2008-12-29T21:49:00.011-05:00

For the first time in a long time I got my body fat measured by my new personal trainer, Emile, who trained four of the contestants from last season's Biggest Loser show. I am officially on the "fit" side meaning that my body fat is between 15-20%. This totally threw me by surprise. I have never thought of myself as fit, maybe thin, definitely not fit. (Mental note to quite smoking once and for all!)

I am flashing back to when I was called Sumo Susan. I was 10 yrs old and overweight and I could call Ronald McDonald and Burger King my 2nd and 3rd best friends (Jane was and always will be my first BFF). I remember Mr. Poter (our gym teacher) measuring the body fat of everyone in gym class with the pinch test because our school was participating in the Presidential Physical Challenge. I was a whopping 32% (no pun intended). I didn't think much of it back then because I didn't know what was healthy. I had no concept of what was healthy and you know what, he never told us!

My parents showed me love through food and all I wanted was the international chicken fillet sandwich, fries, and the paper Burger King crown. The bonus was making my own drink concontions from the free refills on the fountain drinks. So the only thing I gained (no pun intended again) was my love for food. Even though it is officially cool to be a gastrophile or foodie, I have always been and will be a food lover. I think it is because I was born with extra-sensative taste buds. I've been judging every meal I've had with my previous one my whole life and I can relate how I feelings with all the foods I have eaten. If you ask me what I thought of the merguez at the facy restaurant in Morocco, I will say it was just ok and list out what was right about it and waht could have better. My first and foremost sensual taste experience was when I had my first bite of the supreme pizza from Chris' Pizzeria in East Rutherford, I think I must have been 8 yrs old. I was born to be a foodie because now I can taste anything and recreate it, make it my own. I digress, because my philosophy and passion for food deserves a post of its own.

Back to 2008, so working out definitely has its rewards. I feel better mentally and physically and all the extra neuroses I had pent up in my head have now been replaced by the slow burn in my hamstrings from the high leg kicks. It's so liberating to have a strong body. It is absolutely empowering. Who cares what I look like?! I can punch, punch, duck, punch, punch, high kick. That's right, I am kickboxing and once I rent and watch Ong Bak again, I am going to be a peaceful but potentially dangerous ass kicking machine.

You betta watch yo'self, before you wreck yo'self or just give me a hug and let's call it even.

I love my parents to death but....

2008-09-10T21:16:00.003-04:00

1. I'd like them to not give my number to their friends for their eligible sons or hand me a piece of paper with someone's number or email scrawled on it. What the hell am I supposed to do with it.
So AWKWARD! "Hi, this is so-and-so's daughter, Susan. It seems as if our parents are out to make a match for us so we can make a village of Korean babies. Let's go!"

2. I'd like them to not point out the imperfections on my face and pretend like they've never seen them before.

Example 1: I have a bump on the left side of my nose, which is even more pronounced because of my tan. My dad asked if I was punched in the nose. (I'm not kidding.) Now that I was acutely aware of this physical defect than ever in my entire life, my mom came in and said that I'd always had it and that the imperfection had been passed down recessively from my dad's side of the family. Apparently, my uncle has the same bump on his nose.

Example 2: My mom and dad have both commented on how dark my complexion was after coming back from Thailand and suggested I go wash my face, because they thought it was dirt. I saw them again after showering and they suggested I use a skin lightening lotion. BWAHAHAHA!

I love them though and their raw honesty. How could I not?

Only loving parents would go out of their way to solicit friends and be watchful of my eggs getting older. Only loving parents would peer at my face with knitted brows and indirectly warn me of a possible recessive flaw I may pass down to future children and the damaging effects of the sun. I have to laugh because I love that they are the way they are.

Back from Thailand: A sigh of relief and regret sounds like "wowhewawwhurumphmmm"

2008-09-05T21:32:00.005-04:00

Sawatdi ka everyone!

I'm back and at once I am happy to be home with family and old friends, but truly sad that the tornado has deposited me in NJ.

I don't know if I can articulate all my thoughts so here are only a few vague ones:
1. The vacation was truly enlightening both personally and spiritually
2. Meeting new people is kinda cool especially if you are able to ceremoniously exchange your business card (two handed) with a Yoko Ono look alike who is visiting NY to paint for a month
3. Sydney is so very far away
4. I trekked for THREE days up to 1,700m and swung from a vine and slept in a hut bi-yotch (fucking boo-yah to everyone because I didn't think I could do it either)
5. Melau meroo (Never try, Never know)
6. I don't think I'll be having Thai food for a long time

My pics will be on flikr in a few days.

Do you know who Patty and Selma are and why they are important to me?

2008-08-14T21:16:00.005-04:00

Patty and Selma are the twin older sisters of Marge Simpson (born Bouvier).

They...

-smoke like chimneys

-live together

-love their pets like they were their children

-have both dated their fair share of crazy men (including Sideshow Bob, the former homicidal sidekick to Krusty the Clown)

Final analysis: They are embittered old maids who never found love perhaps because they always had each other's companionship.

Jane and I are the older twin sisters of our sister Amy. She is informally engaged to her boyfriend of 8 years.

We...

-smoke like chimneys (sometimes.... more when we are stressed, less when we are not)

-don't live together, but are planning to move in together next year

-both love Juno (the 1/2 Pomeranian, 1/2 Bichon Frisee who has four names: Juno (her proper name), Jin-Young (her Korean name), Peanut (her nickname) and Dang Kong (the Korean word for Peanut)

-are good at choosing just the wrong type of guy to commit to.

Final Analysis: Inconclusive but God help us if I am right about this!!

My response to the post below

2008-06-30T23:06:00.011-04:00

I know she's your cousin... but you have to hate the game, not the playa. Sometimes we get our hearts broken. Don't make me quote from Conan the Barabarian or start singing Kanye. You know what I'm talking about. You'll meet that guy, he's out there most likely trying to find you!

Just keep the following quote in mind.
"When I seduce you... if I decide to seduce you, don't worry. You'll know. " - Jacqueline (Robin Givens' character)

OMG

2008-06-30T21:10:00.005-04:00

My cousin is probably the closest I'll ever come to having a sibling. We're about the same age (she's a year older), we went to college together and, of course, we share family members. Although we come from the same family, we're very different people. I'm the more stable, cautious one. She's the more free-spirited, wild child. For as long as I've known her, she's had boyfriend after boyfriend. And they've all been good-looking, smart, head-on-their shoulders type of guys - the kind i would contend most girls wish they met. I've never been attracted to anyone that she's dated, but if you've ever met my cousin, you'd soon realize she has a knack for meeting hot guys. Her latest boyfriend is a cute Australian guy who's about 4 years younger than her - seems to be a nice guy and very driven. They've been dating for about 2-3 years now. She was just here visiting me a couple of weeks ago and telling me how great things are going and how he could be the one she's going to marry. Then, that weekend she was here, she went to her friends bday party, which of course, she meets a guy. A cute guy. A cute, tall, available guy that lives in NJ and is in love with her already! He wants to fly her out to NJ next weekend - all expenses paid - to see him. He told her he wants to have a long distance relationship with her and can't wait to be with her. So, what does she do???? She breaks up with her boyfriend and is going to NJ next weekend to see this guy.

Maybe I'm just too old-fashioned, but if some random guy invited me to go visit him, all expenses paid, i'd worry. In fact, I'd probably run!! This brings back memories of the redhead that went on the cruise last year....you girls are just getting yourself into so much trouble and you make it harder for all the rest of us!!! why are girls so stupid sometimes!!!

I'm turning into an angry person...I can feel it.

http://www.waste.org/~beaucoup/images/tina_loves_hulk.jpg

Acid Reflux

2008-06-16T21:38:00.006-04:00

Oh god, I had a talk with someone today about the blog I posted about the ex. So I got a big lecture about all this golden rule stuff and all that. I don't know he said something about no matter how awful I think that person is, what binds us in the most fundamental way is that we all want to find happiness.

Instantly, I began to feel bad about the mean things I wrote. Seriously, guilt is an overwhelming thing. Usually I go through life feeling fleeting remorse if any for rash and oftentimes cruel words. I justify them with the thought that the person will deal with it and maybe forget it and maybe just maybe (completely irrationally thought on my part) that they will be stronger because of it. I realize my journey into being a truly kind human being shouldn't be limited to spreading the kindness to my family and friends and even strangers or my dog but to people whom I sometimes find despicable.

Said that, I also realize that this is the second time I have openly admitted to my F-up'dness and I am still the same person I vowed I would change. I am beginning to regret all those times I felt it was easier to be cruel, cold, and just plain mean where each mean thing I said made me seemingly more invulnerable to being disappointed and hurt by others. Therein lies my twisted conundrum of trying to be a truly "GOOD" person without getting hurt. If it does mean getting hurt in the process will I survive emotionally, psychologically? I might go into that fire and come out a new person and I thought I did that already. I thought I was tested and came out a stronger albeit more brittle version of my previous self. Maybe this is an overly neurotic way to excuse myself of actually doing good and being good. I really want to try though.

BTW, I was hurt the first week we broke up. I didn't want to admit it, but I did feel bad and I didn't want to admit that I felt betrayed, but I did.

Part deux

2008-06-15T13:17:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I have reconciled the fact that I have to work....
Like have a real job, bt I'm going to party while I do it.

Keeping it simple

2008-06-15T13:15:00.000-04:00

Damn I need to pay penance. Why couldn't I have been Catholic so I could have an easy way out? All this Lutheran protestant b.s. I grew up with is really getting to me now!!! I was watching basketball diaries yesterday and little leo was told to do 10 hail marys and 4 our fathers.... the thing i don't get is are you supposed to feel bad for it or if you don't then do you end up in purgatory. damn, if you were protestant then you would wind up in hell. you see this hypocritical narrow line you have to walk? being a catholic just gives you a little bit more wiggle room. and you know what the road just gets narrower with anything that has to do with reincarnation.... the only thing is that you have to wait to get what you give.... which could be good ...or bad. damn, you could die tomorrow after a life time of not doing shit for anybody but yourself and then come back as a fly eating dog turd and then die an ignoble death as a fat guy swats you off his hairy ass. so what am i going to do? i wont know until i get to the end, huh? well, if i don't know then to the hell with it right?

Rant!

2008-06-15T13:14:00.000-04:00

I am completely furious at myself for thinking that people are not assholes... for giving people a chance and for once not being a cynical jerk myself. And guess who got suckered into buying the f'ing brooklyn bridge... yours truly, la idiota numero uno. I was waiting for someone named P at a place called P for an hour and 15 min. And before I even agreed to meet P I needed to be convinced that everything was cool. Anyway, P didn't show up at P and what could have been a really nice getting-to-know-you night turned into PP filling up the used pisspot of my capacity to be kind. I'm not going to be nice anymore because I've pretty much had it with almost everyone. Sorry, but P pretty much f'ed it up for everyone else for a long long long time.

Thankful

2008-06-15T13:10:00.001-04:00

You know, I was once one of those people who despised the age-challenged population. If you had liver spots or saggy skin, I just turned a blind eye to you. Anyway, I have come to realize that they are really fascinating and have a lot more wit and character than anyone who is a third or even half their age. I am never bored when they are around. They always want someone to listen and I happily oblige to listen to their funny, poignant and often bawdy tales.
My sister said that one lady who has been in the fashion biz forever told her that they used to dust all the roses in their showrooms with coke and people used to go and "smell the roses". I now understand why R is so damn crazy and why she wears see-through skirts to work every day, because she is so damn crazy. (I am talking about a skirt that is make of ONE layer of silk chiffon, I actually think it is a beach cover-up.) She must have sniffed all the life out of those poor roses in one fell swoop.
I met another old guy who is now acting after retiring from the corporate world. He goes on auditions and has been in a lot of films and does tv work. Come on, that's kind of cool even if you are a cynical little (ACHTUNG! Big word is coming up. Some of you may have to clap through this.) ger-on-to-pho-bic prick.
I guess all I am saying is that some of my favorite people are old and they are interesting. I think that if you have gotten past the big word than you should really try to find an older person and have a conversation with them. If you skipped the big word, and read this paragraph first then do them a favor and don't approach anyone from the uber mature set since they really don't have the time to speak with morons.

CHEESE ALERT!

2008-06-15T13:07:00.001-04:00

So the other night, I went out with my sis. The L to wburg made its last stop at Lorimer so we had to take a shuttle a stop to get to her place. (For you brooklynites, I'm sure this is a very annoying weekend occurrence.) Anyway, it was about 12:30 and we were all annoyed and waiting to cram onto this bus. A young woman with a baby in 1 arm was struggling to fold and then lift her stroller onto the bus. There were many people just watching, dazed possibly high or drunk, curious at best and new yorker cynical at its worst. A lot of onlookers but no good Samaritans. I looked and really didn't know what to do and then looked away and then looked back at this woman really trying to juggle both the baby and man handle this stroller. I wanted to help and yet I couldn't and didn't because I fell into the same trap that everyone falls into... I thought someone else would step forward to help. That person who stepped up to help this woman was Jane in her heels all decked out from our night out. It wasn't the asshole who was standing right next to the woman in sneakers and a tracksuit, but Jane. As soon as she picked up the carriage I stepped into to help. My indecision and non action melted away, but I couldn't help feel like I did anything that great. I helped my sis, someone I already knew. What happened that night was pretty powerful. I will conscientiously not be an asshole.

"Oh my, what big teeth you have".... playing the big bad wolf

2008-06-15T13:05:00.001-04:00

How can some of you read them and not leave comments like 'You need to go to therapy' or 'Keep choo choo-ing along like that you angry little train-that-could and you're going to derail'...
I admit I am just sounding off at everything and it did feel good. Anyway, I do use this medium to let off some steam in a non-confrontational passive aggressive way, which I shouldn't do, but it keeps my dissatisfaction from building up into a hurricane.
Anyway, to those of you who know me and who I may have possibly insulted, I am sorry. I should have just called you to let you know that I was disappointed and that I probably deserve an earful of angry feedback myself. After all, I am not blameless in all the mess I create while living my life.
Actually, I should probably send out an email or pick up the phone or something but I have deleted some of your numbers from my phone. (I know it's sooo passive aggressive of me. In addition, another p/a thing is this lame excuse for a massive public apology.) I am sorry for all the mean things I said behind your back because I didn't have the guts to tell you in person. I am sorry that I never gave anything a chance after the first strike for fear of being disappointed even further. Most importantly, I am sorry I dropped off without giving you the chance to defend yourself because I felt I was right and had the whole world backing up my opinion.
Am I losing my edge? I don't think so, I'm just growing up. Phase 2 in this whole process is actually sending personal emails to the people I have offended, insulted, abused or ignored. I am actually too scared to call. I don't know what else to write.
Bye

Another reason why I can’t date men from new york

2008-06-15T13:04:00.001-04:00

So aside from the mbm (man boob man, like the marlboro man but not rugged and with boobs), I have met an Italian mumbler and several bankers and rounding out this great menagerie of bachelors a few type A lawyers. Frankly, I'm a bit frustrated. Case in point, we are all sitting outside having drinks and the conversation veered towards pop culture. My sister told the guy that he had a James Dean rockabilly type vibe to his style. In all seriousness, he asked "Who's James Dean?"Ok, so either he was home schooled or lived in a cave. I don't know which is better/worse.

Now you’ve hurt my feelings...

2008-06-15T12:54:00.000-04:00

I am not a ballbreaker or a hardcore bitch or a toughass nor do I have a mean girl reputation to uphold nor am I one of these things: "grrrrr1". I am just a normal but at times feisty korean chick who is just honest. If you don't know me by now, I am going to be good to you if you are good to me. That's it. So if you aren't and I think you ought to be, you better watch out cuz I'll kick yo' ass. hahaha.
This goes out to that fake and bake guido who tried to house me on the patio at the birthday party he was crashing. Here are a couple of words of advice: (1) Don't rely on pelvic thrusting to pick a girl up especially if your conversational skills are lacking and (2) Definitely do not ask the birthday girl whose party it is. Dumbass!

Momentum

2008-06-15T12:53:00.001-04:00

I just don’t have the mental inertia to write something cohesive
so I am going to list out the things floating around my mind.... (the list is not prioritized)
my birthday is saturday = burdensome = time to celebrate but not really wanting to at all. trying to make everyone feel included in my life but it's just another day to me and not that I don't want to celebrate it but this is for everyone else and not me.

work is stressful sometimes... but i can honestly say i really like working with everyone and it feels good coming into a group and not wanting to have them fall into an open sidewalk grate.
i still think that this one chick, who will remain nameless is a social retard. she asked a co-worker if she could come to her wedding even though the girl didn't invite her. the poor girl getting married was too polite to say no. however, if that girl were me, i would have just said no in a very nice way and then talked about how boorish she was to ask if she could attend to everyone else and cast her as a pariah among the group of co-workers.

man on mars won't happen for another 30 years or so because space exploration has stalled due to lack of funding --> due to "war on terror" ---> boils down to the human population being burnt to a crisp by the sun's explosion because this Prez made a decision to try to "kill terror" ---> ultimately making the fatal decision that space exploration was not important enough ---> altering the course of the human race

bye peeps... sorry for the lame-o blog

Space Cowboy

2008-06-15T12:52:00.001-04:00

Do you know how life feels like sometimes? It feels like you are on the Starship Enterprise hurtling through space... whizzing by stars, planets, black holes, which brings me to a shitastic segue way.
People who are black holes. People who suck all the positive energy from you and disappoint you when you least expect them to because they are inconsiderate and uncouth. People who you think are your friends but later turn out to be parasitic leaches. This person (possibly unknowingly) is trying to ruin my life at work. The thing is, I actually know many unsavory characters and I am pretty much guarded when it comes to them because I can smell their odoriferous nefarious stink miles away. BUT, I was sadly disappointed to find that this one person whom I ALWAYS defended to everyone let me down. Sucks, huh.

Full Circle (kind of, I’m almost there...Oh god, not even close actually)

2008-06-15T12:49:00.001-04:00

So I had my chance to apologize to someone twice today and I didn't. I totally should though and I really don't know how.
The reason why I need to apologize in the first place is because I drunk dialed and drunk insulted someone who I only knew very briefly while I was equally drunk. Basically, I heard from my friend (who dated him briefly) that he had a very small piece of manhood and I told him that. And what do all fifth graders do when they crank call someone? They hang up. The only catch was that I called using my friend's phone (yes, the one he dated) and he called her back. Oops! I drunk dialed so I forgot the *67 and I thought "CRAP, CRAP, CRAP!".
So at the time I found myself hurtling down Broadway in a cab, while my friend was being yelled at by her ex for what I did. Quite frankly, I felt bad....I mean I didn't want her to get yelled at for what I did. Anyway, she denied the whole thing but knowing him he probably downloaded phone records and all that. So I found myself in quite a predicament. In most circumstances, I am an expert back peddler. I can basically get myself out of anything, but given that I was completely gone, all my mental and motor skills had floated away with the last shot of jamie I did before we left the club. So you know, I had to apologize to my friend and luckily she accepted it and we are still friends.

Fast-forward 3 months. I had completely forgotten about what I did.
I have been going through my own self devised 12 steps. (Not AA you jerks, but anger mgmt.)

Anyway, he works in the building next to mine so like usual I went downstairs to get breakfast, which is usually a coffee from the less busier of the two coffee shops in the building. I usually go to Starbucks because they are faster, but the line was super long so I went to Financier instead. AND guess who I see? Well, dear reader, given my karmic luck I'm sure you can surmise that I ran into the small-wee-wee-man. I walked in there with a ferocious attitude because I am like that without having coffee and I saw him in line and he saw me walking in and I felt humbled and embarrassed by my own rash and stupid actions from a couple of months ago.

So what would anyone do? What would you do? What would a fucking average human do? You would pretend like you didn't see him. You would get in line and stare at the coffee menu like it was the most desirable thing in the entire world. That's exactly what I did. I stared at that menu with the over-priced coffee until I thought he was done getting his stuff and I saw him leave out of the corner of my eye. Then I ordered a large coffee with a shot of espresso, went outside and had a fucking cigarette. And the whole time I thought I should have apologized or at least acknowledged that I knew him with a smile, even if I thought it would be rebuffed.

Luckily, my day was busy so I didn't think of it too much when I went back up to my desk. I needed another break around 4:00, so I went downstairs again to get an iced coffee with my friend and I saw him getting in line behind us. At this point I knew I should have said something but again I chickened out. I'm an asshole, right? [You should be nodding right now in affirmation.] At this rate, I am bound to see him again, at which point I will have grown a backbone and will at least be able to look him in the eye and even apologize for what I did.

Take it from me... this is what doing stupid things gets you....you feel even more stupid the next day.

Save Me

2008-06-15T12:42:00.005-04:00

Tick tock tick tock
Someone out there is playing a highly stimulating Rachmaninoff piece on a grand old piano, but all I hear is the metronome.
Tick tock tick tock. buh - bye - sum - mer. tick tock tick tock

I am Bored:
What do bored girls do?
Your first guess might be shopping well, this bored girl has had enough of that so what's next dating? no, that is also another vapid waste of time plus what's worse than being bored by yourself?someone else boring the shit of you and you sitting there being bored by that person thinking i'm bored bored bored and that person was dull, duller and dullest. i find myself wasting my time reading a large amount of satires and cynical literature and drinking pressed watermelon drinks. i've done that for 3 weeks in a row. when the novelty wears off i may pick up astrology again.

Summer in the city means getting your gut together

2008-06-15T12:36:00.003-04:00

Jerry Seinfeld was right... some of you need the bro or the manzier
I want to focus on the most awful set of man boobs I have ever seen. EVER! EVER! These 2 words just don't belong together especially if they are not in this format: "Man" [enter verb here] "boobs". No dear reader, I use man as an adjective in this case and boobs as the object that I want to describe to you.
I went to a party on Saturday night. It was a friend of a friend's housewarming thing. They all happen to work for a French bank so all the men were really short and very French. Anyway, I thought it was weird that the hostess made people dance salsa with her before they could leave. Like if you didn't dance then you couldn't leave. It was like going to one of your classmate's bad birthday parties when you were eight and then the mom of the birthday girl/boy makes you play a lame game like pin-the-tail-on-donkey because she knows your mom isn't going to pick you up for another two hours.
Anyway, the only tall person at the place happened to be this white guy and he already looked goofy and boring so I didn't want to talk to him. As a matter of fact, I was wearing flats that night so I was approx his chest height with full frontal view of them, those awful lumps of flesh. When he laughed they jiggled. They rose up and down with his breathing. And they were pert. You know what I mean. He wasn't fat either. He was maybe 6'4 / 175lbs max. I mean I couldn't look away nor could I keep staring at them. On top of all this... he was a banker who thought he was witty, but was really obnoxious and boring. In addition to his sparkling personality and the witty banter, he had a very thin t-shirt on because it was so hot and humid in nyc that night, which didn't help him at all. AT ALL!
So if you had hideous man boobs wouldn't you put on an extra t-shirt to try to cover them up as a short term fix and then possibly consider surgery or exercise long term? I mean the guy didn't even slouch... I'd say he could have been proud of them by his posture...maybe. I think he was just oblivious in every way because he then tried to invite himself out with us.
My point is if you are man and you think that we women don't notice your physique you are absolutely delusional. We can tell if you have child bearing hips or if you have a horrifying set of man boobs or any other unmanly or grotesque feature, which we just find repulsive covered up. I can't imagine what it would look like unclothed. (I just gave myself the chills...) Yes, the personality and all that is great, but I need to be able to look at you first. Right? So my advice is to go work out, diet, check out plastic surgeons whatever and get yourself in shape. Geez, it is the summer after all. ALL of us have to look good in bathing suits and you don't want to be the only loser who wears a t-shirt when you're swimming.